THE LONG BUMPY FLIGHT

This morning I decided to see if I was able to get to the core of America’s problems and try to come up with some practical solutions.

Where to start? I think I first have to just list the problems and then discuss each one and look at practical solutions. Now, first, you, the reader, have to understand where I’m coming from. I spent 42 years as an airline pilot. I’ve flown as a line captain all over the world. I worked for a time as a test pilot. I lived and flew in Africa and Russia and spent three years in Vietnam with Air America.

Almost all professional Pilots are more used than many to dealing with problems and spend considerable time training for emergencies. The situations we deal with include engine and equipment failures, weather, fuel and passengers. We also have to include ‘nutters’ with bombs and Islamic whack-jobs who want to kill everyone. Commanding a big jet full of passengers and flying to foreign countries can be a challenge. My mind-set is typical of my compatriots- if there’s a problem, let’s define it and fix it!

Pilots are realists. We do not deal in obscure theory. We see things are they are and fix them. Our tools are practical- we deal in what works! We positively do not continue on a course when the weather’s closing in. We do not purposely fly into storms.

America is unfortunately doing exactly that. The captain of our ship is flying us into a really bad storm and doesn’t seem to be able or willing to change course or deal with the problems.

Our government is borrowing and printing the country into financial oblivion. Every dollar the idiots print dilutes the money we work for. They are signing our  names to loans that none of us, nor any sane person, would ever agree to. They are giving our money to companies they know will fail in order to try to prove that green energy will work despite massive evidence to the contrary.

Look, lest you get the wrong idea that I’m somehow against renewable energy- let me disabuse you right now! Solar and wind are fine but they need to compete in the market like everyone else. The car replaced the horse but I don’t think the feds subsidized ole Henry Ford. The jet replaced recip engines on aircraft but the feds didn’t give Pratt & Whitney millions of the tax payers hard earned dollars.

The American people have lost control of the federal government and those steering the ship of state are heading us into the worst storm possible. As a captain, if I were to purposely do that I would expect the first officer to take control and guide us to safe harbor. In this case, the inaction by congress, who have the power to seize control and stop the madness, is to me nothing short of criminal negligence.

Waiting and doing nothing only compounds the problem and helps to guarantee a fatal crash.

Let’s look at this ship of state and define her defects:

Entitlements; when a people learn they can vote themselves benefits that someone else will pay for what do you think they will do? Enslavements; food stamps, welfare, extended unemployment payments, FEMA payments, union pay offs and bail-outs are all like a build up of ice on the wings and fuselage. We are laboring on, unable to climb even with the engines at max power. We’re struggling to clear the mountains ahead and picking up more ice every minute. The stall warning is telling us that we’re running out of lift…….We have to do something….!

Instead of turning around, finding warmer air, flying away from the storm, the captain orders another five hundred billion in stimulus II. He gives away another few billion to failing green energy companies (whose owners and investors are his political allies) He continues into the storm, picking up even increasing loads of ice. The plane begins losing altitude. The engines are being pushed beyond their limits, oil temps are increasing, one engine fire warning goes off…..

Behind, in the ‘Y’ class cabin, millions of kids are dropping out of schools. They speak a counter-culture eubonics and are stoned on crack. The flight attendants can’t communicate with them. They refuse to sit down despite the seat belt light being on.  The younger kids are sniffing glue and puking their guts up. The moms, strung out on drugs… are wandering the aisles, soliciting male passengers for sex.

In the business class cabin, the passengers are enjoying a fine lunch and reading about the financial disaster in the Europe in the WSJ. They are aware of the bad weather but blindly trust the captain. Most of them have reduced their companies to a minimum staff level and are planning on laying off even more when they get on the ground- if they get on the ground.

The two Arabs on board are trying to put bombs together to blow the ship up. One of them is in the lav trying to light the fuse when the smoke detector comes on. The cabin attendants are banging on the door for him to come out. The air marshal has drawn his gun and is threatening to shoot. Meanwhile, the senior has called the cockpit and advised the captain who’s supposedly trying to deal with the ice, the engine fire and the increasingly bad weather.

The overweight aircraft continues to descend and has lost another thousand feet- she won’t climb and is now well below the tops of the rapidly approaching mountains. Still, the captain flies on with a wild eyed glare in his fixed expression, his hands frozen on the controls, he presses on despite all…….

One of the first class passengers, Newt Perry, is a dead-heading captain from another airline. He has finished his shrimp cocktail and is looking at the airshow display. He checked the weather before boarding and knows how bad it is on this route.

He asks the senior to call the cockpit and see if he can come up. He felt the number 4 engine vibrating and thinks it’s likely been shut down. The buffeting he feels he knows is due to the ice and impending stall.

The senior doesn’t call, she just opens the locked cockpit door. She knows something is wrong and never did trust this particular captain.

The sight of the cockpit tells all. The First officer seems asleep in his seat. The mad captain, with beads of sweat streaming down his face, is clutching the control yoke with both hands while the lightening and howling storm buffets the seemingly doomed aircraft.

The fire light on number 4 is still red and the bell hasn’t been silenced. Newt leans over, shuts down the fire bell and flips the AP (auto-pilot) on while yanking the diminutive captain out of the seat by his shirt collar. He and the Senior use a roll of duct tape to keep him from flopping around and strap him into the jump seat where he struggles against the seat belt and tape over his mouth

Captain Perry takes his seat and makes a descending turn to the right, toward the water and away from the mountains. He turns the wing and tail surface heat on- which inexplicably had been off and gradually, the old bird begins to shed the terrible load of ice. Captain Perry gets ATC to point him at a warm airport some distance to the south and prepares the cockpit for landing.

Once safely on the ground, the airport police throw nets over the rioting drop- outs in the tourist cabin and drag them off to a lifetime detention center. The two Muslims were killed by the air marshal and are carried off in grey body bags. Thankfully, their bomb failed to detonate. The remaining passengers are re-routed by the airline to their destinations and the immediate dangers are over.

Inside the airline’s office, Captain Perry is de-briefed by the Chief Pilot. The flight’s captain was removed in restraints by security and is locked in another room. The Chief Pilot pulled his personnel file and discovers that his licenses are fakes. The first Officer never did wake up. He was carried off the aircraft and taken to hospital where the emergency physician believes he was drugged.

How the airline had allowed the fake captain to be in command of their aircraft is a mystery. One can only thank God that Captain Perry was on board and had the courage to act. America should be so lucky!

Robert Firth

Boca Raton Fl

10/03/2011